Purpose

Existential dread is that feeling you get when you contemplate your purpose, your reason for existence, only to realize that one day you’ll be gone and at some point after that, you’ll be forgotten. It causes you to wonder what the point of it all is. What is the meaning of life?

It’s a not an uncommon human condition. I have had long moments of dread. It can feel pretty hopeless, and fill you with anxiety and sadness. It’s a place where we may find ourselves after a crisis, or a loss, or emotional trauma of any sort, but it is not a place you want to stay.

So what can you do when this hits you? First and foremost, if these thoughts lead to despair, reach out for professional help. There is no need to suffer.

If you are managing, you can scan the internet or the self-help section of the bookstore or library. You’ll find many suggestions. Here are a few strategies I’ve found effective for me.

Distraction It isn’t always a good idea to ignore the things that bother or upset you. This isn’t the case for existential dread. You should focus on things that give you joy, or entertain you and let go of the rest. Give yourself permission to play. The first time I remember feeling this way happened early on in my marriage. I started to see that nothing was as I thought it to be, even though I’d poured my heart, soul, and my entire being into the relationship. It was a big “what is the point” time in my life. Then I found Prince. He gave me joy, he gave me a group of friends that I have still. He saved me.

Live your values Admittedly, this is not easy when you're experiencing the pain of existence. But it helps to take stock of what’s important to you. Is it family? Service? Charity? Community? Hard work? Faith in a higher power? Identify what is the most important, and dedicate yourself to living it. Let it be your purpose.

Accept that there are things you may never know It’s still hard to talk about this, but my sister died a few years ago. I miss her every day. When she died I realized that I am the last person alive in my immediate family. That truth knocked the wind out of me. Did she know how much I cherished her? Why has she abandoned me? Why is life so painful? Why can’t we live forever? I work every day to accept that while it is human to ask the questions, there aren’t always answers.

Connections There are people who matter to you. It’s easy to forget you matter to them, too. Spend time with those you love, in person or virtually. Bask in the fact that you have touched their lives in a positive way, and let them touch yours.

That may very well be our purpose.

Four things You Can Do To Stop Worrying.

It will come as no surprise to many of you that I am a worrier. I worry about my family and world peace. I worry about my reputation and my professional success. I worry about my health (a terrible predicament for a near-hypochondriac). I worry about global warming, COVID-19, and job security. 

I try very hard to NOT worry, but it’s complicated. Worthwhile ventures often are, but you can learn from my trial and error. Here are four things you can do instead of worrying.

1. Do something creative.

Science tells us that creative action lowers cortisol, the stress hormone. When cortisol is reduced, we feel more relaxed and gain a greater sense of perspective. It also increases dopamine, the “happy hormone.” Increased dopamine, in turn, can make you more creative. Consequently, it’s difficult to worry and engage in something creative. The really great thing is it doesn’t matter what creative endeavor you pursue. I write. I also crochet, scrapbook, and dabble in graphic design.

2. Listen to music.

Particularly music you love. Research tells us that when we listen to music that moves us, the “happy hormone,” dopamine increases. A lot of music moves me so much it makes me cry tears of the joyous and melancholy variety. I’m pretty eclectic in my tastes. While Prince is my number one musical favorite, I listen to Florida Georgia Line, Justin Bieber (Don’t hate. He has a fantastic voice.), Nine Inch Nails, and Rachmaninoff. 

3. Eat Chocolate.

Both dark chocolate and milk chocolate have been shown to reduce stress. Dark chocolate, however, is the king of stress relief. It has been shown to reduce cortisol (the stress hormone), and it contains magnesium (known to reduce symptoms of depression). The benefits don’t stop there. Dark chocolate contains flavonoids, which have been shown to improve cardiovascular functioning. You’d gain extra advantages if you eat your chocolate slowly and mindfully. It’s something called Chocolate Meditation.

Chocolate, not your thing? Try a cup of chamomile tea (those flavonoids again) or green tea (contains theanine, which may increase serotonin and dopamine). Learn more about these food items and more here.

4. Breathe.

There are so many sources online that support the use of breathing exercises to reduce stress. During a recent, persistent episode of worrying, one of my favorite medical people reminded me that deep breathing triggers the parasympathetic nervous system, promoting calmness. He instructed me to take five deep breaths. It worked like magic. I immediately felt calmer. Dr. Andrew Weil has a lot to say on the subject and offers these exercises.

I think worrying is a part of my basic personality and, as such, it’s difficult to stop. I’m not even sure I’d want to since worrying has occasionally saved me from making big mistakes. But sometimes, I worry about things I have zero control over. It’s in these times I use this list.

Let me know if you try any of them. Also, if something not on the list works for you, please do share.