Perspective

Writers Love Words

It’s a fact. Writers love words. We carefully select and arrange them in order to tell a story. Truly, choice of words can make a difference between a novel that resonates with people and one that falls flat.

Over the course of my life, I’ve been enamored by a mispronunciation or adorable misuse. A child I once knew asked for “chockmage” when she wanted chocolate milk. A former foster kid said “sawt” for salt. My sister used to call fringe “fringles”. Speaking of fringe, my niece used to say “french benefits” instead of fringe benefits. My son (when he was much younger and probably will hate me writing this) referred to goosebumps as “freeze blisters”. A former client of mine used to tell people she had ESPN because she knew things. Another client told me she enjoyed “being in my near”—perhaps the sweetest way anyone has ever told me they liked me.

I’ve also fallen in love with words. Not because of their meaning, but because of how the person (typically a person I cared about) said them. My mom, an intelligent, intuitive woman, played with words. Sometimes literally. She’d make up word games to entertain us during long car rides. But she was also playful. “Absolutely positutely,” was a favorite saying. A caterer by trade, she loved desserts made with “nutneg.” She said she was “exhaustipated”, when she was tired down to her bones. By the way, she used that word DECADES before it landed in the Urban Dictionary.)

Some mispronunciations make me swoon. “Beso foda pop had fiz,” is a lyric Prince once sung. Yet another artist I adore sings “Kismas” and my heart melts. Crazy, right? Absolutely positutely.

What misuse or mispronunciations make you smile?

Grief is an Interesting Emotion

This past week, I discovered that my beloved chiropractor died. His passing stunned me. He was in his forties, healthy and fit by all reports. He died nonetheless.

The day I received the news, I was numb, in utter disbelief. By the time I woke up the next morning, life itself felt surreal. As that second day passed, my sadness, raw as it was, brought to the surface my despair at having lost my sister 4 years ago, and my despondency at Prince’s untimely, senseless death. grief welled up inside me and came out in a torrent. I cried for two more days.

I’m grateful that my partner somehow understands me and tethers me when I feel like I’m drifting. There was a moment where I wailed in lament that life is so fragile and I’ve wasted mine. She said…

“You didn’t waste it—I don’t know what I would have done without you.”

That sweet sentence starting my climb from the abyss. I’m good today, but I’ll carry with me an important observation. No, more than an observation, a truth: Life is fragile. Take great care of yourself, and also live each day as if it could be your last. And tell people you love and appreciate them at every opportunity.

Purpose

Existential dread is that feeling you get when you contemplate your purpose, your reason for existence, only to realize that one day you’ll be gone and at some point after that, you’ll be forgotten. It causes you to wonder what the point of it all is. What is the meaning of life?

It’s a not an uncommon human condition. I have had long moments of dread. It can feel pretty hopeless, and fill you with anxiety and sadness. It’s a place where we may find ourselves after a crisis, or a loss, or emotional trauma of any sort, but it is not a place you want to stay.

So what can you do when this hits you? First and foremost, if these thoughts lead to despair, reach out for professional help. There is no need to suffer.

If you are managing, you can scan the internet or the self-help section of the bookstore or library. You’ll find many suggestions. Here are a few strategies I’ve found effective for me.

Distraction It isn’t always a good idea to ignore the things that bother or upset you. This isn’t the case for existential dread. You should focus on things that give you joy, or entertain you and let go of the rest. Give yourself permission to play. The first time I remember feeling this way happened early on in my marriage. I started to see that nothing was as I thought it to be, even though I’d poured my heart, soul, and my entire being into the relationship. It was a big “what is the point” time in my life. Then I found Prince. He gave me joy, he gave me a group of friends that I have still. He saved me.

Live your values Admittedly, this is not easy when you're experiencing the pain of existence. But it helps to take stock of what’s important to you. Is it family? Service? Charity? Community? Hard work? Faith in a higher power? Identify what is the most important, and dedicate yourself to living it. Let it be your purpose.

Accept that there are things you may never know It’s still hard to talk about this, but my sister died a few years ago. I miss her every day. When she died I realized that I am the last person alive in my immediate family. That truth knocked the wind out of me. Did she know how much I cherished her? Why has she abandoned me? Why is life so painful? Why can’t we live forever? I work every day to accept that while it is human to ask the questions, there aren’t always answers.

Connections There are people who matter to you. It’s easy to forget you matter to them, too. Spend time with those you love, in person or virtually. Bask in the fact that you have touched their lives in a positive way, and let them touch yours.

That may very well be our purpose.

A Somewhat Disturbing Survey

A recent article by my website host is somewhat alarming, if not surprising. It reports a survey which looks at the online behavior and interests of Baby Boomers (born 1940-1964), Gen X (1965-1980), Gen Y (aka Millennials (1981-1995) and Gen Z (1996-2012).

The result that caught my eye is that 60% of Gen Z and 62% of Millennials believe how you present yourself online is more important than how you present yourself in person. Nearly 40% of Gen X and 30% of BabyBoomers agree.

And it gets worse.

Over 40% of Gen Z say they are more likely to remember the last website they visited than they are to remember their partner’s birthday. And—get this—40% of Americans say they spend more time browsing websites than having sex in a given week.

What have we become? More importantly, what are we becoming? A society that cares more about virtual reality than reality? A people who prefer to connect from a distance than face-to-face? That’s one possible future. The thought filled me with despair until I read a little further.

Over 90% of Gen Z want to start their own businesses as do 86% of Millennials and 3/4 of Gen X. Wow. That speaks of ambition, resiliency, and initiative, traits sometimes Baby Boomers and the silent generations (pre baby boomers) fail to see in younger generations.

Dare we have hope? We must.